You're Not Broken, Okay?
by Smoispose
Summary: It was Jonathan's first trip home since he'd left for college in the fall, but that wasn't why Will was so eager to see him. He had a problem, a big one, and there was no one else he could talk to about it. He had amazing friends, but there were some things he just couldn't imagine saying to them.


_23 December 1986_

Will made another pot of coffee and wondered for the millionth time why Jonathan wasn't home yet. He knew that his brother would be dropping Nancy off at the Wheelers' house, but even allowing time for Mrs Wheeler to fuss over him and Mr Wheeler to make small talk laced with disapproval, he'd expected him to be here by now.

It was Jonathan's first trip home since he'd left for college in the fall, but that wasn't why Will was so eager to see him. He had a problem, a big one, and there was no one else he could talk to about it. He had amazing friends, but there were some things he just couldn't imagine saying to them.

When he finally heard the car pull up outside, he practically tore the door off its hinges when he ran out to greet Jonathan.

"Hey, buddy, how are—" Jonathan's smile abruptly changed to a look of concern as soon as he saw his brother's face. "What's wrong? Is Mom okay?"

"Yeah, she's good – sorry if I scared you. But she'll be home from work pretty soon, and I just really need to talk to you about something."

"Sure thing." Jonathan pulled Will in for a quick hug. "But let's get in out of the cold first, okay?"

Once they were inside on the couch, each with a mug of coffee, Jonathan leaned forward, his forearms resting on his knees, and fixed his attention on Will. "What's going on? Have you been having any more … Upside Down incidents?"

Will grimaced. "No! It's nothing to do with that. I almost wish it was; that might be easier to deal with. It's about … Do you know Jennifer Hayes?"

Jonathan raised his eyebrows. "Vaguely. She's in your grade, right?"

"Yeah. She's a cheerleader, and—Wait, no, I shouldn't start with her. So, you know I get teased a lot, right?"

"Kids are still calling you Zombie Boy? I told you, who cares what people like that think – you should be proud of yourself for everything you've been through."

"No, it's not that. I mean, some people still call me Zombie Boy, but mostly it's … fag and queer and fairy. Stuff like that." Will stared down at his hands, which he was clenching and unclenching in his lap. He felt his cheeks burning, and he had to pause for a moment to catch his breath. He'd been waiting all day to talk to Jonathan about this, but he hadn't thought about HOW to talk about, and he was getting all muddled.

"Hey," Jonathan said softly, resting one hand gently on his kid brother's shoulder. "Like I said, who cares what people like that think?"

Will let out a silent, humourless laugh. "Literally everybody in Hawkins."

Jonathan half-smiled. "Yeah, you're not wrong. But the world's a lot bigger than Hawkins, Will. And things won't always be as tough as they are now, okay? I promise."

"I know. You're right. But I wanted things to be better now, and instead I just screwed everything up!" Will felt hot tears starting to spill. _Jesus, Byers. Crying like a sissy. Can't you ever just behave like a regular guy? You can't even get through one conversation without crying like a little girl._ "I screwed up really bad."

"Hey, it's okay." Jonathan laced his arm around Will's shoulder and pulled him into a hug. "Just start at the beginning. The two of us will work it out."

Will took a deep breath. He knew his brother understood, at least a little. He'd been called plenty of names as well. After all, the _Byers is a perv_ graffiti in the 3rd floor boys' room had originally been about Jonathan, even if now everyone assumed the perv in question was him. He shrugged Jonathan's arm off his shoulders – not because he didn't want it there, but because he could feel the weight of his brother's sympathy, and he thought it might make him break down and cry even more when what he really needed to do was get through this story.

"Right, well – at the end of summer Stacey Jenkins had this big party, and everyone was there. We don't usually get invited to things like that, cos we're nerds, but I guess she just wanted as many people there as possible or whatever, and anyway, there was this game of game of Seven Minutes in Heaven, and I didn't want to play, but I also didn't want everyone to wonder why I _wasn't_ playing, so I had to, and then I got paired with Jennifer and—" He stopped to take a breath. "—and then Troy said really loudly, 'Be careful in there, Jen, that faggot Byers probably has AIDS.' And a whole bunch of people laughed. I mean, not everyone, but a lot of people."

"Jesus," breathed Jonathan.

Will's eyes were fixed on his hands again. He couldn't bring himself to look up at his brother, even though he knew he'd only see kindness in Jonathan's eyes. Just remembering how humiliated he'd felt that night made him feel tiny and worthless, like a piece of chewing gum you'd scrape off the bottom of your shoe.

"Jennifer didn't laugh, though. She called Troy 'infantile', and said he was just jealous. I wish I could've come up with some great comeback, but I was just standing there hoping that a portal to the Upside Down would open up and swallow me. So anyway, we kissed, and it was—fine, I guess. Jennifer's really nice, and I know she's pretty and she's popular, and she likes me for some reason. But I think mostly I just didn't want her to wonder why I didn't want to kiss her, or to tell anybody that I didn't, especially after what everyone had just heard Troy say.

"Anyway, I got through that, but then school started back. Jennifer and I have Civics and Biology together, and she's always making sure we're paired for projects and stuff, and sometimes we'll go to her house to study, and we kissed a few more times. The name-calling and stuff died down a little, though it didn't go away altogether. But then last month Jennifer's parents were away and she invited me over and … and it turned out she wanted to do more than just kiss."

"Oh," said Jonathan. "OH!"

"Yeah." Will grimaced again. "And all these thoughts were just racing through my head, about how everything felt wrong, because I knew that I was supposed to want this – a cute blonde cheerleader trying to have sex with me! Any normal 15 year old boy would be creaming his jeans, right? And I just didn't want her to think … I didn't want her to _know_ … what I'm really like." _Great, here come the waterworks again. Jesus, Will. You're pathetic._ "And I guess part of me thought … maybe if I just did it, somehow that would … fix me."

"Oh, Will." Jonathan pulled him close again. "You don't need to be 'fixed' – you're not broken, okay? You're perfect. It's just this fucked up little town."

Will was really crying now, ugly, snotty tears. "Thanks, Jonathan. But I—like I said, I screwed up. Because we had sex, and it didn't cure me, and now Jennifer's pregnant."

"Oh shit," said Jonathan.

"Yeah," his kid brother replied, half-laughing. "Shit."


End file.
